The Unbearable Lightness of Failing
I’m almost 30. I’ve been job-hopping after my graduation.
Japanese translator for 8 months in Turkey, Japanese speaking casino dealer for 13 months in Estonia and overseas sales in Japan for 8 months now.
Yet, one more time I feel discontent with where I am and what I am doing right now. What’s worse is that I also feel discontent for the fact that I feel discontent about this problem of mine.
At this age, I don’t have any proper savings. No properly accumulated pension either.
I also think I don’t have any proper mastery skills except Japanese, English and Turkish languages.
Despite all of these feelings, I also feel relieved tho. Because I don’t have much to lose. At least I’m healthy and surviving without putting too much limits on my personal likings in life.
I’ve already started questioning my life in Japan,and I’m thinking maybe I should go back to Estonia again. This time, for good. Japan is super far away from Turkey and Europe. Flight tickets are super expensive, and after getting used to European working environment, Japan feels like backwards in terms of conditions.
And you know what, I fucking hate cockroaches, and they are so damn big here in Japan. No matter how much you clean, in the summer, they always find a way to sneak in and ruin your day. I hate them so much. Sometimes, I feel like those pokemons are enough reasons not to live in Japan anyway.
My priority preference in Europe would be Greece or Spain actually but it is just very difficult to find a job with a livable salary at those countries.
I’m about to give up on the developer path for following reasons:
- Extremely competitive after AI craziness. Especially for newcomers. Is it worth diving into such an extremely competitive race right now?
- I’m starting to doubt whether I really want to spend most of my time in front of screens.
- In a world everything is going in a digital shape, I feel like non-digital things will start to have a better value. Every year, I find myself looking for ways to disconnect from anything digital and be off-grid as much as I can.
So what am I going to focus in my life? I need at least one skill that I can master, right?
I do not know, ahahah!
I might fully dive into language learning and learn few more, like Spanish, Arabic, Russian, Chinese, Korean etc. because I feel like my professionalism will be related to human communication a lot.
It’s a shame I still do not really know myself at this age but hey, at least I’m self-aware and trying to discover.
I will be wrestling with some uncertainty for a while. Let’s see where I will be and what I will be doing next year around these days. Whatever I find, it should be something that I can study/work off-grid. It might be via books, physical actual tools or anything else that is not virtual.