I punish myself for not fulfilling my potential
I wrote a post about being productive (Fuck Being Productive) last year.
I was quite fed up with the idea of the obligation of productivity and gave up on it. Since then, I had ups and downs, but I was fine most of the time.
In the last couple of weeks, this productivity demon came back for me. The problem is my procrastination has taken over, and my mind is paralyzed.
Therefore, I blame and punish myself because of the procrastination. I already have a job, but it is not a dream job, and I want to change it. For that I have to study by myself everyday regularly. I believe that anyone can accomplish most of the things by working/studying/trying hard. So I know my dream is doable. It just needs very hard work. But guess what, no energy and lots of procrastination. I also want to develop good habits to become a better version of myself and do other things as well. Yet, recently, everyday is another disappointment.
Since I'm not able to do any of them, I'm punishing myself by not having any fun. I purposely stopped having fun-no video games, no anime, no manga, and so on.
Now I feel like a zombie, but let's see how deep I will fall. Hopefully I will rise after falling to the lowest point :')